Know Your Worth.

Worth. "What even is worth?" is the question I've been asking myself all. week. long. You know the days when you are off your game, and no matter how hard you try, you can't quite jump back on? The days where it doesn't matter how many times you get shoved down, and it seems like no one is there to pick you up. The days where nothing goes right. That's what my life has pretty much been lately. Every day seems to present a new challenge. I can't understand anything in math, or I can't seem to get past something or I feel inferior to somebody. I'm tired, I'm bored, and I'm over this stupid game people play with me. I have felt less like myself this week than I have in a long time. I've been telling people I would rather go back to the week I transferred schools than do this week again. I have felt worthless, inferior, less than incredible. And there are so many contributing factors to why I felt this way but they all lead back to one thing: how people treated me. I don't want to play victim here so that's not what I'm going to do. I'm gonna tell you that how you treat people definitely impacts them.

For years we've been told the golden rule is treat others like you want to be treated. What a twisted thing that is. See, we always say "I can't respect you if you don't respect me" or "if you want me to care about you, you better start caring about me." It's selfish, and it stems from the selfish world we live in. We expect people to treat us with respect, and in return, they expect only the same. But we don't always give that to people. Why? We all know it's so important to be respectful and how nice it is to be respected, so why do we treat people like trash? If you want to know what I think, I think that we are all good at our core, and we all live for good intentions. But somewhere along the lines, we were hurt. Betrayed. Lied to.   And whoever did this do us, loses our respect. But then, what happens to the people who are like them? We start to treat those people unfairly, and rudely. And soon enough, all that goodness that is still inside of you is hiding. You are your actions.

You don't want to be a rude person, no one actually wants to be rude and mean. No one wakes up in the morning with the intention of wrecking someone. You want to be good, but sometimes your actions say otherwise. Take this past week for example. Someone who I was relatively close to lied to me and used me, and I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong. The thing was I hadn't done anything wrong. They had used me, lied to me, but then refused to admit anything to anyone because they knew what they had done was wrong and not good. This person wanted so desperately to stay the "good guy" that they, without realizing it, had most definitely become the "bad guy" in my eyes. We want so badly to be the hero of the story, that sometimes we forget that we're still going to make mistakes. And part of becoming the hero is owning up to our mistakes. But, owning your mistakes does NOT take away from your worth as a person. And the mistakes other people make does NOT take away your worth as a person.

If you've felt a little bit like me this week, you've felt less of than stellar, and all you've wanted to do is hide under a rock and never come out. Because at least under the rock, it's safe. No one can hurt you if you're hiding under something harder than you. You've cried, screamed and said your fair share of swear words. I get it all. I sat in my car for an hour the other night trying to balance crying and breathing in the middle of an anxiety attack. Can I tell you a secret I've learned from past experience? It gets better. Not immediately, not within the next week or even two weeks. But it is progressive, and it happens in front of your eyes without you even noticing. And then, all of a sudden, 6 months have gone by and your life is okay again and you're looking back, smiling and saying "I'm so glad that's over" and going on with life.

This week was complete garbage, and next week won't be a beautiful week, but it will get better. I hope next week you feel incredible, unstoppable, and more than stellar. I hope the gas prices will go down, and that the temperature will go up a little bit. I hope you find a new favorite movie and that you hear an old favorite song. I hope that you have a day where everything works out for you and you look in the mirror to say "I'm amazing." Cause you are. I love you. You deserve the world. If you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple. Know your worth my friends. Cause it's stacked against anything life will throw at you. And the days where it feels like this week, just know the sun will rise again. And so will you.

Much Love,

Sara Jean