reflecting

I woke up this morning feeling sicker than I have been in a long time and with 3 days left in my public school education, I did what any normal stressed senior would do and stayed home. now I didn't just sit on my butt all day, I also planned my upcoming NYC trip (post on that later) and spent some time with my mom. it was great, really.

but because I was sick, I didn't go out tonight. instead I took a minute for myself. I put on a face mask, used a bath bomb and just laid in the water. I just laid there and thought all about not only the past year, but the past 13 years of my life. 13 long, agonizing, years full of tears and drama and first dances and jr. high crushes and second first days and lots of lasts. I've spent almost every day from August to May, 8:00am to 3:00pm, in a classroom. a classroom with teachers that I loved and teachers that I hated. a classroom full of kids who I always thought were my friends, and eventually turned out to be the complete opposite, and a classroom that I either excelled in or became the president of the struggle bus in, ya feel? the point is, its become a very natural thing and I've become very used to it. in 3 days, that all changes. once you graduate, you don't just leave public school. you leave behind stories, memories, people that you love and people that you hate. you leave behind everything you ever have been to become something greater. you leave to start over. gone are the days your mom has to call and excuse you for a doctors appointment or bring you something for a book report because you forgot it...again. and I just don't know how well I can take it ya know? 

EVERYTHING CHANGES ALL AT ONCE.

I honestly didn't understand the complexity of this sentence until I started experiencing it. it's become more of a lifestyle change than anything else. you see, I used to be a person who would rather spend all of my time with outside people and very limited amounts with my family. now my poor family deals with me more often than not. and its not like this was progressive. it literally changed overnight. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with staying in and eating oreos and peanut butter (bless the parent trap) and watching anne hathaway be a total boss and meryl streep be the ultimate horrible boss that we all secretly want. in fact, its almost necessary. and i will be the sponsor of that idea until my dying days.

it all ends this week. this week I begin a new journey in my life and I'm honestly so stoked. but there's no way this could have come any faster than it did. it feels like yesterday I was in the 4th grade spelling bee, or sitting in jr. high orchestra or starting my new life at madison or even my first day of my senior year. time moves really fast you guys and it comes way quicker than I think I would have liked. I don't know what's next but I do know that whatever happens will teach me something and I might just enjoy it along the way. so thank you to everyone who gave me love and hope throughout the years. and thank you to wikipedia. not for giving me the right answers, but giving me enough to bs every essay I ever wrote. you da real mvp.

Much love,
Sara Jean (aka future graudate)