Senioritis: A Definition From the Point of View of a Victim

I woke up the other day feeling great. I even said to myself, "Today is going to be a great day." You know in the movies when the narrator from above says, "Today was not going to be a great day"? That was my day. Anything and everything that could go wrong, WENT WRONG. My car wouldn't start, I spun out on my way to school, I got to school and got wrecked in every single possible way. I went to my favorite class and felt like a complete outsider. Something I loved and was passionate about became the thing I was the most embarrassed about. People who I thought cared about me, people who told me that they were my friend, people who I trusted made me feel like actual trash. And all of a sudden, I realized it, like a giant light bulb. It had hit me, senioritis in its entirety. 

In case you are of the younger age, or you had the blessing of never feeling like quitting halfway through your senior year, let me define senioritis for you. Senioritis, as defined by the honorable Urban Dictionary, is "A crippling disease that strikes high school seniors. Symptoms include: laziness, an over-excessive wearing of track pants, old athletic shirts, etc." Another symptom is the complete and utter feeling of desperation and withdraw from this thing we call high school. High school is such a roller coaster of emotions, because you can wake up thinking its going to be such a great day and it turns on its head. Or you can wake up with a pretty negative outlook and it can end up being one of your better days. It sucks because you never know how the day is going to go, and you always have to be prepared. 

Now don't think I'm being a total baby, I'm not. It's just a lot to take in when you are almost in an accident, you get kicked to the curb in something that you've put your heart into, you get made fun of and someone who you thought to be one of your best friends sends a long text telling you everything you're doing wrong. You start to lose all sense of who you are and the validation you have for yourself. I think I'm alright in the area of knowing who I am. But I feel like I'm striking out left and right and its not necessarily something that I'm living up. But at the same time, I know its necessary. Its important to learn to build up your walls, and when they get knocked down, learning to build them back up as soon as you can. You learn how to see right through people who aren't all about you and to take them out of your life as soon as they came in. You learn how to have back-up plans and live them out. You learn how to be alone and find joy in being with the people who love you, like your family. This isn't the first time I've gone through this, and it won't be the last. Its what I learn from every single experience and what I take from it. How can I grow, what will it teach me, who's gonna come into my life once someone else leaves? 

It all sucks, but its necessary. That's the only thing that keeps me going and never makes me doubt the trial and the struggle. I'm reminded daily of the great talents, blessings and people that are still in my life. I remember the good and the bad memories and everything about them. And you know what? I love every single one of them. And I will keep loving them until its the end of my life and I can look back and be completely content with everything that I've done.

Much Love,

Sara Jean